#you showed him he has inherent value and doesn't have to be or do anything extraordinary to be loved

[moraxsthrone]

No thoughts head empty, just Kaeya gently running a hand through your hair as you both lie down on the couch with a warm blanket sharing stories and drinks. Body relaxed, mind at ease.

His thumb rubs at your arm lovingly with a tiny smile as you recount something funny that happened a few days ago. He loves seeing you smile, loves to hear your laugh and excited rambling.

He kisses your forehead and chuckles at the blush that blooms on your cheeks, but you just feel so happy, so warm.

This is nice...

hhhhhhhh crys!! you always put the prettiest, loveliest images in my mind of my faves.

just...spending quality time alone w kaeya like this, enjoying a couple of cocktails at home together while exchanging stories and laughs. mindlessly twirling a strand of his long, blue hair around your fingers as you recount and bemoan the sheer lack of competence you have to deal with at work some days. and he reminds you in his pleasant, melodic voice,

"just remember, my love...stupidity is job security,"

sending you into another fit of chuckles because he's so right?? then you shake your head while telling him how entertained you are by his way with words sometimes. and it makes him smile back at you bc hearing you say the things you like about him warms his once-icy heart. he secretly hopes that you never get tired of him and his cheeky antics, not knowing that his playfulness is one of the things that made you fall in love with him in the first place.

[eff-plays]

What are your thoughts on some of the wording that is used to describe Taash's gender dysphoria in Veilguard?

Anytime their gender identity crisis is discussed, it's always called "non-binary stuff." There is also one character in the wetlands who is non-binary and they say that another character helped them with their "non-binary" stuff.

Surely, the terms gender dysphoria, gender identity crisis, or even just saying "helped me figure out that I was non-binary" would have been better writing.

It feels like they didn't have faith in people to understand other terms or context clues.

Please note that this ask is not meant to be in bad faith and there is no pressure to answer.

I am generally curious if this is an example of bad writing or if non-binary stuff is the correct term over gender dysphoria or gender identity crisis in this context.

I think it all goes back to just using "non-binary" in the game itself. And while I get how some enbies think it's important to use our language to describe us in fiction, and that's a justified opinion to hold, I'm going to disagree. Games with heavy and extensive lore and actual conlangs shouldn't just fall back on hyperspecific modern terms when we all know they're capable of delivering the same message in a way that doesn't lean on the fourth wall or break immersion. Krem, for all the clunkiness that surrounded him, got a whole in-universe explanation for how he fit into the Qun.

Now, to be clear, I'm not saying I value immersion over representation, or that nonbinary people are immersion-breaking. That's an insane opinion to hold. It's just that I, personally, feel more out-of-place and alienated when a fictional world's attempts at including me uses modern terminology. It doesn't tell me that I belong in that world and there is space for me in it, but that there isn't. This vast world, which has fantastical locations and magic and Blighted old gods and dragons, which has room for all of those things, but doesn't have room for language and identities unique to it that might reflect mine? It has to use language that doesn't belong there to explain people that supposedly do? Do you get my issue here? There is an inherent contradiction in this approach.

By not bothering to integrate nonbinary people into Thedas, by falling back on and insisting on modern terminology, BioWare isn't telling me "you're valid, you belong" it's telling me "your presence is so incongruous with our world that we couldn't do anything but use existing terminology to describe you." In their attempt to be inclusive, they just didn't bother to actually integrate nonbinary identities into its world. Then they keep highlighting their own failure by pointing at my identity and telling everyone in their world how valid it is. Imagine you're just existing in a crowd and some motherfucker points you out and goes "YOU. YOU'RE VALID! EVERYBODY LOOK AT HOW VALID THEY ARE!" That's what's bothering me the most. It makes me feel like a freak, not like I belong. And maybe that's a me problem, but given the responses I've seen to my Taash posts, I don't think it is.

Anyway, sorry for that tangent. I don't think gender dysphoria or gender identity crisis would've been better writing, personally. I was pretty confused for why this random NPC told me about their gender identity at all, to be frank. Especially when they, in the first conversation, gave us their pronouns in a very naturalistic way, and Rook + the companions repeated those pronouns later. Like, for me? That, combined with Flynn's very androgynous appearance, was enough to clue me in to who they were. We only have two interactions with this person (AFAIK, if they show up again then I haven't gotten to that point in the game yet), there really doesn't need to be a spot where they clarify their highly personal discovery of their gender identity.

However, if you're very desperate to include this as explicitly as BioWare intends, I have a solution: have them only mention the "non-binary stuff" to a trans and/or nonbinary Rook. My Rook is nonbinary and people know this about them, and since Rook is becoming well-known, people will know their pronouns and identity. So, have Flynn be like "Yeah, my mentor helped me figure myself out. You know how hard it can be to do on your own, Rook." Ya know? Suddenly, you get what they're talking about without having them to be like "ah yes, have I mentioned I am non-binary today?"

I get wanting to make things explicit, but it happens at the cost of believability and actually representing how enbies exist as people. I don't talk to friendly strangers like "I had a hard time figuring out I'm nonbinary, but I got there in the end!" Most of my classmates only know I'm nonbinary because it says so on my Discord profile, and the same goes for the ones I know are nonbinary. Most of it is just clocking each other across the room or hearing other people use our chosen pronouns.

As for Taash's dysphoria ... That's another long-ass can of worms type post that I might make once I'm finished with the game and have a complete image of their storyline. But rest assured, I have plenty of thoughts on that, as well.

[collidescopeeyes]

HCs of Aatrox as a weapon and a reader who is his user please 😭🙏

Aatrox with wielder!Reader

- Look there's gotta be a whole character arc here before he's in a state to exist around other people. He's a man trapped inside a sword trying to escape the very nature of his existence by destroying the world and by extension himself, thereby trapping himself in a nightmarish cycle of violence and pain with no respite. Like, all he's done for the last few centuries was possess some poor fool, go on an apocalyptic warpath, get killed, and be stuck back in the suffocating sensory deprivation tank of his sword form until someone new picks him up, rinse repeat.

- You find him in sword form, but much like Kayn and Rhaast he doesn't manage to overcome you–except instead of using him to murder people, you just kinda lug him around and show him all the nice things about living (cuz honestly, leaving him there would be kind of fucked up).

- Being put in forcible time out, he very reluctantly is forced to admit that maybe existence isn't all pain and okay, yeah, maybe there is inherent value in life. The hot springs are nice, he guesses. Human, bring him to the hot springs again.

- He's gonna be a huge bitch for a while let's be real, like full tilt raging complete with threats of grievous bodily harm (and he can be a real bitch when he wants to be, have you heard some of his voice lines??). At the same time, he's terrified you'll leave him so he still tries to go the ‘temptation of power, just give in’ route, and generally emphasizes how powerful he is and how useful he can be.

- Eventually you go from being you, human, to his human. He hasn't had a social interaction that did not end with someone dying in literal centuries, much less a friend. Like he still bitches but instead of threatening you, he starts threatening anything that threatens you, which he defends with the idea that he's the only one worthy of killing you. You learn not to take it personally, your giant sword with a disembodied heart set into the hilt is a tsundere, this is your life now.

- ‘ive only had this human for two months and if anything happens to them I'm killing everyone in this plane of existence and then myself’, but to be fair that last part was his plan to begin with. Anything even begins to threaten you and it's fire and brimstone from him–unfortunately, he can't exactly do much as a sword other than beg you to use him to slaughter anyone who so much as says a harsh word to you.

- The longer you wield him, the more he becomes attuned to you–which is new to him, because Darkin usually don't have a wielder without them becoming a full host for this long, and even then the wielder is usually trying to suppress them. With you, Aatrox gradually gets his senses back–unlike Naafiri and Rhaast, his sword form doesn't come with eyes, so he basically has to magically parasitize your vision and see through your eyes. Gradually this extends to other senses too–hell of a shock to him when he starts to feel your pain. Eventually, he gets his own sense of touch back, which is kinda weird since his body is a sword now, but it's still leagues better than eternal numbness. Even if he's not really sure how to process that he can feel you literally holding his disembodied heart in your hands.

- His grand plan was to accumulate the blood from every rare instance you were forced to use him to defend yourself in order to build himself a new body and then kill you with it. The plan is amended to killing you in your sleep, cuz he likes you, even if he doesn't want to admit it. It takes literally until he's standing over you that he realizes ‘I don't….actually want to do this,’ and he has zero follow up plan or capacity for self reflection so he just stands there like a weirdo. And then you wake up.

- “Are you gonna kill me?” “....no.” “Okay, cool, I'm going back to sleep.”

- You start travelling together like normal people then, except y'know, being in human form is pretty taxing so a decent chunk of the time he just...stays a sword. This is a huge gesture of trust from him, knowing that if you happen to put him down he'll be put back into a prison of his own body, but also you've kinda earned his trust in this matter since you could've left him to suffer at any point before now and didn't. He still acts like it's some sort of honor for you to be wielding him, but you've also earned his respect by this point so the ‘puny human’ talk has pretty much evaporated.

- His protectiveness gets worse once he has a body to act independently with, but not as much as you'd think–he respects your wishes and genuinely doesn't want to upset you, so he won't hurt anyone you don't want him to (...too bad)–though he will intimidate the everliving fuck out of anyone he thinks is a threat to you. He does actually still have a pretty robust sense of right and wrong–it’s just that he didn't give a fuck about it in the face of escaping the torture of his existence. Now you're that escape, and he'll defend you with the same visciousness that he killed literal gods with.

- He does not have any frame of reference for romance. He only sort of remembers being Ascended, and barely if at all being human before that–and in all that time he was a soldier through and through, devoted to his duty above all. He doesn't even know that he's caught feelings. Like he wants to be close to you all the time (and other urges he shall not be examining), but that's normal right?? You've been carrying him around for months now, surely it's because of that. He also hasn't had anyone touch him without also trying to kill him in centuries, forget that he can actually feel it now–surely that's why the slightest touch from you makes his heart skip a beat (you can literally see it, it's right there in the sword). It's normal. He's being super normal. Denial is just a river in Shurima.

- Point being, the man is oblivious, and even if he wasn't, he has no fucking idea what he's doing and he has a boatload of unresolved self-esteem issues. You're gonna have to make the first move and you're gonna have to be very forward and upfront with him. He's gonna freeze, Aatrox.exe is working overtime; internally he goes from ‘tf do you mean I have feelings’ to ‘tf do you mean I have feelings for a human’ to ‘well obviously this is my human, she's special, why wouldn't I have feelings for her’ to ‘me?? Why the fuck does she want me??’ to finally deciding that he would have to be clinically insane to turn you down (putting aside that he thinks there's a very real chance that he is in fact insane, but he's working on that).

- Not that he knows how to be in a relationship. Mutual respect and communication can go a long way to figuring stuff like this out, but it's pretty obvious he's out of his depth–he’s struggling to adjust to existing in general, and he's got centuries of trauma and a barely repressed anger management issue. It helps that he knows you're on his side (and that he's probably already made every threat under the sun when you first met), but the man doesn't exactly have a lot of practice dealing with his frustration in a healthy way. Patience is essential here–he’s trying, and he will get better with time and understanding.

- He's actually super self conscious about his body–in his eyes, it's a twisted, filthy reminder of what he used to be. Without a compatible host, Darkin bodies start to break down without fresh blood to sustain them, and he can't help but compare it to how he used to be before the Void war. His form is stable with you, but he still has a whole lot of negative associations. You've got your work cut out for you if you want to convince him he's not some sort of malformed disgusting beast–he’s very much of the opinion that you're some kind of saint for wanting him despite what he looks like.

- Despite all that, physical closeness is a big thing in his culture, plus he's touch starved and will take any opportunity to have you close. If you're not doing anything he'll literally just pick you up and deposit you on his lap so he can be close to you. If he's in sword form, he'll sulk if you put him down for even a moment. It's funny though, because as much as he passively demands attention like some sort of large spiky cat, he also gets really flustered if you're affectionate with him. He's also a huge tsundere though, so him being flustered mostly involves stammered yelling (he’s actually kind of awkward, when he's not being intimidating–re his joke lines).

- Darkin run hot as a consequence of the hemomancy their bodies are made up of–in particular, the area over his heart is very warm. He doesn't visibly blush per se, but the glow of his heart gets more radiant when he's flustered, and he gets noticably warmer. The dark plated parts of him are hard and bone-like with the slightest bit of give, whereas the red parts feel like normal skin if slightly thicker. He has a habit of only touching you with his unplated left hand–the other one has a lot of jagged edges and he worries he'll accidentally cut you (plus, the plated parts feel less). Since his form is fairly stable with you he can manifest his wings fairly consistently, but he's stuck at a (relatively) meager 9ft tall without absorbing any new bodies. His wings are more batlike than anything, and the webbing is extremely sensitive.

- In Ancient Shuriman custom, marriage is a social arrangement wherein a couple is considered married as soon as they start living together, no ceremony or paperwork required (fun fact: actual ancient egyptian custom!). Most couples have this accompanied with a legalized property agreement, but Aatrox was raised into a warrior caste that doesn't have a concept of private property, and he doesn't currently have much of a use for possessions anyway. This is all to say Aatrox considers you to be married and you have no idea until he offhandedly refers to you as his wife.

- All that being said, he still has an extreme sense of duty to his follow Darkin, being about as close to a leader as they have left after the war and their sealing. He feels an obligation to find a way to alleviate their suffering, either by finding them hosts, undoing their binding into weapons, or finding a way to kill them and have them actually stay dead. It's a grim task and it's pretty important to him to have your support in it, however you want to approach it.

[transmutationisms]

…so can you expand on the psychological ramifications of stewy being in private equity? that has definitely been lost on me given that i barely understand what private equity is

ok this is an underrated funny aspect of the show imo, and also good insight into stewy and kendall. i'm trying to spare you a bunch of stupid business jargon but basically, maesbury capital (which stewy represents but sandy/sandi ultimately own) is a private equity fund, meaning it's a big pile of a bunch of rich people's money, and stewy's job is to take that money and invest in private companies. a PE fund can invest at a few different points: at the very beginning of a startup's life (venture or angel investing), at a point where the company is trying to grow or restructure (growth investing), or when a company is struggling financially, in which case the fund is usually planning to either dismantle it and sell it for scrap, restructure and go public, or sell it for cash to another company. PE firms like to present themselves as doing a lot of growth or venture investing, but in truth many/most are primarily engaging in this third category of investment strategies, because they're lucrative (and because many startups are stupid, and only good for generating investor payouts).

so, when kendall went and dismantled vaulter in season 2 because logan decided that selling most of it for scrap would be more profitable? that's basically a dramatisation of what stewy does routinely, except of course the exact financial instruments and strategies will differ because stewy represents a PE firm. like, if kendall's venture capitalist schemes tell us about his delusions of creating cool new products and services, stewy is sort of the opposite because his structural goal is usually to dismantle companies and liquidate them however is best for maesbury's backers. it's a total destruction of all use-value and a conversion of it into pure exchange-value in the form of capital (which goes into his pockets and maesbury's). stewy generates money by destroying utility, which is perverse if you think capitalism is supposed to create and sustain human life, but actually completely comprehensible if you understand that capitalism is an insatiable growth machine with inherently contradictory internal tendencies and no raison d'être beyond the endless accumulation of pure capital itself.

many viewers think stewy is insane because he is friends with kendall roy. this is true, but on a deeper level stewy is insane because his job is to participate in the inexorable tendency to more and more abstraction in the capitalist mode of production. it literally does not matter at all to someone like stewy whether people are fed or clothed or happy, or have any of their needs met. the point is solely to create money, to turn all social forms and values into numbers on a balance sheet. this is why, when kendall tries to threaten him on axos at the end of season 2, stewy is able to casually tell him that "it doesn't matter; it doesn't mean anything." he and sandy are convincing shareholders that their offer will be able to make them more money, "and that's all that this is." stewy speaks the language of business differently than logan, because stewy doesn't care about dick-swinging competitions or demonstrating dominance in logan's cringey old catholic military way. which makes stewy more rational in certain ways, but also more insane, in that he operates in a way totally detached from this type of social value system and solely motivated by cold hard numbers.

the irony is that, whilst being detached and disembodied in his business practices, stewy is also better than the roys at appreciating the material fruits of wealth. he eats; he dresses well; he enjoys the "several houses" he owns. kendall is always trying to come up with some grand moral bullshit masculinity reason that what he's doing is noble or whatever, and he's alienated from his body and afflicted with severe catholic martyr disease. stewy just bypasses all that shit, measures his success by his payouts, and enjoys wealth because he sees it as an end in itself and not a means to logan roy's respect.

this is also why kendall's line in 'living+' about "it's enough to make you lose your faith in capitalism" is so funny. kendall can't just accept that business is a bunch of meaningless bullshit confidence games played by coked-up assholes who like to win; he always has to try to convince himself he's making cool new tech shit, or saving the world from the spectre of death itself or some shit. it's like, insane that he made it to literally 40 years old, growing up in a media conglomerate of all things, and still thinks that what he's doing requires actual skill or creates actual social value—but of course, part of the reason he still thinks this is because he deified logan and was therefore incapable of ever seeing logan or waystar for what they really were. stewy would never say that line because he can't be disillusioned this way on account of he already knows the whole thing is bullshit. it's just that to him it doesn't matter, because being bullshit does not preclude it from paying well.

[commsroom]

memoria is incredibly close to my heart, but when i listen to it now, it's hard not to think about the undertones re: how therapy as an institution handles disability. maxwell's objective was always to help hera get back to work, to find accommodations she could function under, or otherwise to replace her. "i'm sorry you feel like you can't do your job." maxwell presents her solutions in a less hostile framing, but her methods are the same ones cutter threatens hera with in her live show performance review (re: deleting her memories) and it's something she intends to do regardless of hera's consent. maxwell's practice aligns with goddard's interests, and of course it does. there's something about therapy as maintenance, and the treatment of the disabled mind and/or body as a broken machine.

hera is used to being condescended to and taunted for her limitations ("we all have our limits. you can't do what you can't do. it's not your fault.") and that intersects with her trauma ("i can't do this. i'm not good enough.") in a way that inherently ties her self worth to her ability to be useful and perform a job. as a result, she has a gut reaction to and a resistance to anyone suggesting she might not be capable of something, or that she might need help, and that makes her constantly push herself past her limits, causing real damage. the problem is that hera is disabled, there are things she can't do, and she hasn't been given the security or compassion to really come to terms with that. no amount of ways to manage doing her job will really help the core problem; she needs to be able to separate her concept of self worth from her productivity. "we get things wrong, and we get better." is a nice sentiment, but i think it applies more to interpersonal conflict than physical burnout. hera even directly calls back to and casts doubt on that specific line later in the show.

that's why eiffel matters so much to hera. when eiffel says "you can do anything" - he believes that, he has that kind of sincere faith in all of his friends, but he means it even when it's disproven. he's seen her fail. he's seen her make mistakes. it doesn't matter because it isn't about what he expects of her, it's about who she is to him. minkowski is the commander, even when she's not. hera can do anything, even when she can't. eiffel values people, not their jobs. if hera didn't have a supercomputer for a brain, she would still be the same to him; it's who she is and her companionship that he wants. i'm not saying that what maxwell did for hera was useless - it's effective therapy that gave her a clearer understanding of herself, and a framework to understand what's been happening to her; that's extremely valuable. but that alone would not have been enough. what hera thinks of at the end of memoria, what actually pulls her through, is the support and care that eiffel and minkowski continually show to her.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

One of my favourite things about Deep Space Nine is imagining how Sisko's superiors must have been reacting to his shenanigans behind the scenes.

I mean just imagine it.

You're an admiral or something in Starfleet. You belong to an organisation that spans half the galaxy, has access to unimaginable (to many civilisations) levels of technology, and contains numerous different cultures.

You are well aware that the power and technological advancement of the Federation makes you inherently dangerous to less technologically advanced peoples. Like the moment any group is introduced to you, the development of their species is basically going to be changed forever. A single individual fucking around can, if careless, negatively impact an entire world.

Avoiding this kind of thing is therefore one of the core values of your civilisation. Your Prime Directive. There are huge lists of rules and regulations over when it is an isn't appropriate to intervene. People have literally died rather than break them.

And then there's this one world, whose people have only just overthrown an oppressive regime and are looking to join your Federation. You and your colleagues vote to help them rebuild, while steering clear of interfering with any of their politics, of course, and send some of your guys over to help administrate.

One of those guys then goes and DECLARES HIMSELF A GOD.

Like, we, the audience, know that Sisko was chosen by the Worm-Hole Aliens to be their Emissary. We know that he struggled with accepting the role at first and that he had visions and eventually came around to whole-heartedly believing in the Bajoran religion.

But Starfleet doesn't know that! Starfleet isn't inside Sisko's head!

From Starfleet's perspective the most logical explanation for all this is that they sent some guy to the back of beyond, the local people got him involved in their religion and then he either went crazy or saw an opportunity to gain power, and now he can impact the entire planet's political decisions on a fucking whim and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

I mean, this has to be every higher-up's worst nightmare, right? This is the sort of extreme scenario they'd come up with in school textbooks to explain to children why the Prime Directive is necessary.

If the Dominion War hadn't happened, Sisko's main legacy in the Federation would have been "the reason why we have all these extra regulations about interfering with non-Federation worlds, and why all Starfleet Captains operating in the vicinity of such worlds have mandatory psych evaluations every couple of months."

And they can't even do anything about it! They can't remove him and replace him with another Officer, because the local people are 100% on board with this 'Sisko's the Messiah' thing and won't work with anyone else. You can't back away from the situation entirely and give them a few years to repair the damage because it's super critical for the war you're currently fighting.

You can't even really control Sisko, because although he makes a show of being The Good Starfleet Captain, in practice there's always a risk that if you say something he disagrees with too strongly he'll just go off piste and do something else entirely and justify it with: "the Prophets told me to".

Which, again, the audience knows is a very real thing that is actually happening to Sisko, but from Starfleet's perspective could be anything from "Sisko is hearing voices" to "Sisko is legit just pulling things from his ass and trusting that we won't risk pissing off the Bajorans by contradicting him."

Just saying, from the perspective of the Federation, Sisko is probably as well-known a cautionary tale as he is a hero.

[lavenderprose]

I have a lot of thoughts and opinions about people calling Izzy homophobic because honestly I can ALMOST see where they're coming from. Izzy Hands experiences internalized homophobia on a level that is almost sickening to comprehend and that much is obvious from the way he talks to Lucius and, to a certain extent, Stede. His 'toxic' masculinity is a symptom of that but I have my own specific headcanons about that which I'll keep to myself at this particular point; I may very well elaborate at a later time. All I'll say here is that I personally headcanon Izzy as being trans, and though I understand that that's purely a headcanon, it does add some layers to his character.

That being said, I feel like Izzy is operating from a place of "There is ONE safe way to be a man who has sex with men." It's the one he's learned and has been obeying the rules of for probably his whole life. More than likely he's seen the consequences of...not doing it that way. This is something about him that I feel people tend to overlook, especially those who already have bad faith interpretations of his character. They like to use the piracy = queerness metaphor where 'traditional' (Izzy's) piracy is compulsory heterosexuality and the Revenge's (Stede's) piracy is glorious queer freedom, but I don't really agree with that. In this show, piracy is piracy and queerness is queerness. You don't need a metaphor for something that's explicit in the narration.

Izzy (And maybe even Ed, though I hesitate more with this interpretation for him) is a gay (Possibly trans, if you wish) man who thinks he knows exactly how you're supposed to live in order to Survive Being Queer. There are many real life people like him who are good and valued members of our community, but who balk at our current openness because it seems dangerous to them. Like, actively life-threatening. And yeah he's mean about it and he doesn't necessarily need to be. But you'd probably be a little mean if everyone around you was telling you to ignore every layer of protection you've ever wrapped around yourself because you don't need that anymore! It's silly and reductive to think that way! Get with the times!

And that's not to say that either party is in the wrong. That's kind of the whole point; Izzy struggles with the Revenge crew so much because from his point of view, his reasoning and fears are very valid, while Lucius and Stede et al. feel that they are reductive and old-fashioned, and neither side of the debate is inherently wrong in feeling that way.

While I don't think that this is necessarily the intended motivation for Izzy as a character (Honestly, where the writers are concerned, I don't think any of this is That Deep) it's definitely an interpretation that I feel helps to explain his motivations and the choices he makes in the show, if you're so inclined to view him as anything other than a villain. He's a queer elder who hasn't learned yet that he can maybe just a little bit STOP white-knuckling the performative masculinity that he's been clinging to to keep himself safe.

[imaginarylungfish]

my thoughts on the end of mha

i've had a few weeks to process the ending of mha now. when i first heard there were only 5 chapters left, i was shocked. i thought when hori said he had more story to tell, we were gonna get like 10 more chapters or something. so yeah, i felt like i got some whiplash there.

but after i had some time to recover from my shock, i got sad. this manga has brightened many a sunday for me. sure, i understand the criticism of the final war arc, but i can't say i was ever bored. i always wanted to know what was happening next.

and while i was sad the villains didn't live/we didn't see a rehab arc for them nor did we see much emotional processing by certain characters after the war, i understand this manga couldn't go on forever to adequately tackle all those stories. that's what fics are for, i guess.

izuku's ending

a really big thing i liked about the ending was izuku becoming quirkless again. that's what i wanted. i have some gripes with the execution, though. it was weird that izuku didn't show any emotion about losing ofa except in the battle. i still think that was a bit of a fumble on hori's part. you're telling me the kid who cries about everything wouldn't cry about losing something that let him live his dream? just seemed ooc.

but anyway, izuku ending as a quirkless hero was exactly what i wanted. that's exactly the way to conclude his whole arc. however, unless you fill in the blanks with headcanons, the impact of that arc is a bit lost on the reader. do we see izuku's acceptance of his inherent worthiness of being a hero (due to his unwavering spirit rather than the need for a quirk)? we don't. do we see society's acceptance of quirkless people as inherently equal to people with quirks? we don't. we must fill in the blanks ourselves. and i just don't think that type of fill-in-the-blank should happen. we should get that from the mangaka.

i also found it weird that izuku became a teacher at ua and then a quirkless hero. i understand there was some fun shock value/bait-and-switch to this little plot point (which i have to admit was amusing). but it kind of just didn't make narrative sense to me once i had my little laugh. like, pick one, hori. does izuku lose his quirk and become a ua teacher or does he lose his quirk and become a quirkless hero? having both muddies the waters.

we knew mha was going to end in a hopeful way. that's what this manga was about. it was all about trying and pushing past limits to succeed, despite the odds. i knew it wasn't going to end with izuku being depressed or anything. he was going to be happy in the end, whether he ended up as a quirkless teacher or quirkless hero because that's just who he is--he doesn't give up. so, i wish that was more of the focus of the last chapters since izuku is the protag after all. but i got the big thing i wanted (which is more than some others can say), so i can't complain too much.

katsuki's ending

i'm actually really satisfied with kastuki's ending (and his whole character arc, honestly). katsuki's whole thing was that he felt inferior to izuku his entire life because of izuku's innate heroism. so, katsuki bullied izuku to make himself feel better since katsuki always felt like he needed to be the best. but slowly, we see katsuki's worldview change as he enters ua high, fails the provisional licensing exam, and sees izuku's continued mastery of his quirks.

throughout the manga, katsuki has to grow up and mature. he has to realize that while he was born with something that makes him a great hero (his quirk), that's not all that it takes to be a great hero. and in fact, izuku has the other part (empathy and determination).

katsuki learns how to be more of a team player and less self-centered. he balances out his need to win and be the best with including others in his thought processes. enough so that he sacrifices himself for izuku, apologies to izuku, and gives izuku the final push in the war.

katsuki shows emotional growth and maturity throughout the manga which i think culminates not only in the final chapter but also in his reaction to hearing the news that izuku lost ofa. his show of emotion is big for him since we know this is not something he normally does. (i still can't believe we saw katsuki of all people cry after the war, but not izuku. ugh, i'll forever be salty about that.)

it's made clear in the final chapters through his words and actions that katsuki cares about izuku. he not only verbally expresses to izuku that he is sad they can't compete anymore, but he also checks in with izuku about how much of ofa he still has, and ultimately, works to get izuku's dream back. if that ain't redemption, i don't know what is.

so with one of the last panels of the manga being katsuki reaching out his hand to izuku (!!!), calling him deku to reinforce izuku's heroism? what a great conclusion. i am satisfied. thanks, hori.

(plus, there were no canon ships which i'm happy about. that's something that i'm glad hori left up to interpretation. now, we can all go read fics with our favorite ships without too much retconning. i think we all won in that regard.)

shoto's ending

i love shoto, so i will always want more of him. but i think that's exactly why i'm fine with his ending. i don't see it like an ending. it's a start for him. he finally gets to be himself, to be shoto. sure, he still probably has a long way to go in terms of getting over his family trauma, but throughout the manga, i think we get to see his growth in that regard which culminates with his battle with dabi and subsequent aftermath.

his story was always tied to his family's story, which made him a complex character. and while i can't say i loved everything that hori did with the todoroki family, i do like what he did for shoto individually.

i will always love shoto's thoughts during his fight with dabi. i think it exemplified his character growth. he was such an angry, cold teen when he entered ua. but he learned how to make friends, accept his trauma, and become his own person. throughout the manga, he learns how to interact with others in the way he wants. despite his treatment as a child (ie. abuse), he decides to reconnect with his mom and work with endeavor. but the main thing is that he chooses it. he gets to dictate what he does now. that's huge for him.

i particularly loved the scene where shoto says he just wants to talk with dabi/touya during their fight. it reminded me of a little kid who just wants to get to know his big brother. but also it showed the maturity shoto gained throughout the story. instead of avoiding things like he originally did at the beginning of the manga, he wants to face them head-on. he has learned talking with others and gaining new perspectives is helpful and that arguments, even though unpleasant, can be productive.

and like i said before, i have some gripe with how some pieces of the todoroki family arc ended. however, i was satisfied with shoto's ending. i loved the "favorite food convo" callback. touya's response was hopeful yet heartbreaking at the same time.

i do wish izuku and shoto talked after the war because i just think izuku would want to know how shoto's doing instead of whatever the fuck this was:

but again, overall i am satisfied.

ok i'm going to stop writing now. i already wrote more than i thought i would (and even added panels). i do have thoughts on ochaco's ending and other random things, but i think that's a post for a another day. i did the main three and that's good enough for now.

overall, i was satisfied with the ending of mha, especially after looking back on it with all pieces put together. the story impacted me in more ways than one and i look forward to re-reading and learning more in the future!

[monstermoviedean]

thinking about cas devoting his life to jack and it's hard to verbalize how i feel about it. i don't want to criticize any of cas' feelings or choices. i don't believe there's anything inherently bad about cas being jack's dad. i like cas and jack separately and as a family unit. i think my issue is again the framing of it all. that it becomes the most important thing about cas, this role he plays. it is framed as his true purpose, his calling, what's been missing from his life all along. but if i may paraphrase mary, it's important to her that she not be "just a mom." and i feel like the show sometimes makes cas "just a dad."

part of my issue is that i think it wasn't entirely his choice to attach himself to jack. jack chose cas to be his father. and jack did influence cas in a way that made cas want to take on the father role. regardless of the intent or extent of that influence, some influence did happen. so the idea that cas chose to be jack's dad totally of his own volition doesn't work for me.

even if it had been 100% his choice, it still would fall into a long-standing pattern. cas has always sought a purpose to make him feel like his existence has value, and while his purpose as jack's protector is different than what he's tried in the past, it's still tying his worth to what he can do for others. it's still suggesting cas can only be valid through serving another's cause.

like, i can say this: "cas has faith in [cause/plan] and believes [cause/plan] will bring about [good outcome]. he dedicates himself wholly to [cause/plan] and its success and draws self-worth from his involvement." i can make the cause/plan heaven (much of s4), humanity (s5), defeating raphael (s6), regaining heaven (s9), saying yes to lucifer to defeat amara (s11), and jack (s12-15). this is a pattern that never gets disrupted. there are times when cas gives up on a cause (rebelling at the end of s4, for example), but then he finds a new cause he may be able to use to prove his worth and attaches himself to that instead. so cas taking on jack as his cause - even from the perspective that he's behaving as a father, not a warrior - doesn't feel like a change in cas' pattern to me. he's still trying to find value in himself through what he can do for others, it's just different people and plans. so yes cas finds meaning and value and purpose in being jack's dad, but it's not just being jack's dad - it's protecting jack and helping jack cultivate his powers so jack can bring about the paradise he promised.

i also think if this happened to a female character we would be having a very different conversation about parentification and the value of a person regardless of their parent status. i don't think spn is trying to say "your existence becomes valid when you devote yourself to child-rearing." but you can read "having a child can give your life the purpose, value, and meaning it was lacking" pretty easily. and that makes me sad. i want cas to be able to see value in himself for himself, not what he can do for others. i want him to be able to define himself, not define himself in relation to others. i want that for all the characters, frankly. i want mary to be mary, not just john's wife. dean to be dean, not just sam's brother. cas to be cas, not just jack's dad.

[cosmicjoke]

Why in God's name are so many people on this site obsessed with Levi's sexuality? What the fuck difference does it make to anything? I swear, I'm this close to turning off anon asks, because nobody will shut up about it. Stop projecting. Just because you're obsessed with your own sexuality doesn't mean everyone and everything has to be like you in order to have value. I think that's the thing that pisses me off the most. These people only seem to care whether Levi likes men or women, and nothing else about his character is worth discussing or caring about. He's literally just an avatar to them, to use as a stand-in for themselves or as a stand-in for their fantasies. Fucking write your own OC if seeing yourself "represented" is so important to you.

Anyway, I've got some news for these people. Levi is an ideal man. He isn't really like anybody. He represents the hero archetype within the story of "Attack on Titan", and so few people in reality are actually heroes. How many of us would actually be willing to do what Levi does? Give up our entire life for the sake of others? Give ourselves over completely to the dreams of others? Live our life entirely for others? He's more like what people should strive to be, rather than what they are. It makes him not so much relatable in terms of us seeing ourselves in him, but more so relatable in being what we all wish we could be.

Certainly, some qualities of Levi's may be relatable, such as his social awkwardness, his difficulty expressing himself in words, his violent temper, etc... But the core of him, the essence of who he is, is idyllic. The depth of his compassion and selflessness, that's what matters most about Levi. That's what defines him. Not whether he's sexually attracted to men or women. But not many people can claim for themselves that level of empathy and generosity, so instead they latch on to what they can relate to. They become obsessed with whether Levi is queer or not, and if he's not, then apparently he isn't worth shit.

Anyway, yeah, I've just had it with these idiots. Stop asking me about Levi's sexuality. I don't care what it is. We don't know what it is, and it doesn't matter. Stop acting like you do know. You don't. It shouldn't ever matter to anyone. The fact you think it does, the fact it's the obviously most essential and important aspect of his character to you (even though it's a completely irrelevant and unknown aspect of his character), shows your own, inherent bias. You're unable to accept anyone who isn't like you. You have to make every character into yourself. Just stop. It's unbearably tedious and stupid.

[paraphwrites]

solve this | save us | haunted | wanna play

so an entire 0 people asked, so i'm going to overanalyze the words written in the fog on the windows in the dbd series photo from netflix. so there are the four main characters in the shot, & the four above phrases written on the window. & yes it's spooky oo nothing more to say but god knows i have never let something be

"wanna play" i think refers to edwin. because, the baby dolls tortured him in hell. because he was killed as a game, not actually as an attempt to murder him. but, beyond that, it's "play" because to edwin, solving cases is not a game. it is a serious matter, not something to muck around in. further, i imagine edwin thinks he does not play ("i am not a child, charles, i do not play") even tho obviously he does play with charles (re: the cluedo closet, the boxing scene). so it shows how edwin actually can be very un-uptight, even if he rarely admits it. finally, edwin is this line because edwin is, in essence, played with by every man who loves him. simon plays with his life, monty plays with his afterlife, thomas plays with his sexuality - even if it is not meant to do harm, it is, in essence, a game for all of them. something without risks or consequences. so the phrase "play" haunts edwin, because everything has consequences, everything

"solve this" i would put as charles. because charles is a detective, and he solves cases. but, because charles is a detective, and he feels he has to solve cases, not because he thinks he is morally obligated to, but because he thinks it is his job. not job like employment, job like his only function. charles does not think he is inherently worth anything, he thinks he has to prove his value by solving cases and being the brawn and helping out. additionally, i think charles likely has some from of pathological need to solve people's problems. that breakdown on the beach that's something like "i can't help crystal, i can't stop the devlin's from being killed, i can't fix whatever's going on with you." yeah, that.

"haunted" refers to crystal, who is haunted by david, but also by london and all the shit she left behind there. even though crystal cannot remember her trauma, she is still haunted by the ghosts of her wrong-doings, and david. but i also think it touches on the generational trauma that all of the women in her family would have had to go through, discovering their powers on their own. seeing ghosts & magical creatures & having no one to talk to about it. also, i think it gets to the point of crystal has no living friends other than niko who is lowkey preoccupied in that igloo. she's haunted (in a good way) by charles and edwin because they are her friends, even if they're ghosts. but, it also gets at the main point- she's haunted. she's alive. she's not a part of them. she's not actually a part of their world. crystal exists in this messy middle where she's not a ghost but all her friends are, and she is a human but she doesn't belong with humans. she's haunted by the fact that she never truly belongs anywhere

"save us" is, i like to think, about niko. because niko, fundamentally, is kind. she listens to tragic mick's story & that's important because it showcases how she takes time to care about what is important to other people. though niko can be less brave at times, she is kind above all else. so, she saves the sprites, even though they're mean. niko saves people not with cricket bats or psychic abilities or incredible insight but by taking the time to appreciate someone's existence. niko represents an accessible form of goodness, because we can all listen and appreciate. her kindness is quiet and that is important. she doesn't save people out of a savior complex or some form of obligation. she doesn't even really mean to. it's just her nature. she's just kind.

or yk maybe the words were just kinda spooky & i'm reading too much into it! i had fun either way

[finnlongman]

Keep thinking about that one KJ Charles interview where she's talking about the challenges of being a historical romance novelist when you sort of believe the whole aristocracy should've been executed, and the delicate balancing act of writing historically accurate and interesting characters who don't have awful politics and values. And, crucially, she challenged the typical rich love interest idea by asking, "But where does the money come from?"

Once you think about it, you can't stop thinking about it. Every historical romance I read now, I can tell whether the author has thought about it. Sometimes they've thought about it but tried not to deal with it and hoped we wouldn't notice that the rich aristocrat probably owns a plantation. Sometimes they've actually dealt with it. And sometimes they have not considered it and It Shows.

But I also don't want historical novels where characters have modern sensibilities! I want them to feel historical... I just also want the "desirable" characters to not be, you know, involved in the slave trade or whatever, because that seriously undermines everything the book is doing to make them seem attractive. (One does not generally read this flavour of historical romance for morally grey antiheroes, and even if you did, that would be a fairly tasteless way of developing such a character, imo.)

I really enjoyed a detail in one of Cat Sebastian's books where the love interest is a Quaker, and he refuses dessert because he's boycotting sugar. It's a way of signalling to us that this character has particular values, but one that's rooted in the historical context and doesn't feel like a modern character wearing period clothing. His Quakerism also influences a few other details – his use of first names rather than titles, for example – but it's not a major plot point and he's no intense political campaigner. It's just one facet of his character, and one that made me like him more.

This sort of thing becomes a problem, too, with medieval settings and retellings and anything where you start having to deal with kings. A king of some tiny little pseudohistorical country whose major concerns revolve around not getting invaded and ensuring his people survive the winter is a very different prospect from a king intent on conquering his neighbours and expanding his glorious kingdom, of course. Still a king, though. What do you do with that, if you're someone who doesn't approve of kings?

I ran into this problem with a book I was working on a few years back, and it's one of the reasons I shelved it. I was trying to write a book about community and friendship. I was also trying to write an Arthurian retelling. And while a brotherhood of knights is a great starting point for a story about community and friendship, in order to have knights, you need to have a king for them to pledge fealty to. Problematic. My Arthur figure did not believe in hierarchy, but the story demanded that he perpetuated one anyway, because it was baked into the building blocks of story I was using to build mine. Eventually I realised I could not write that story as an Arthurian retelling without stripping it of everything recognisably Arthurian, and set it aside to be remade into something else.

I still think about this, though. I think about my Bisclavret retelling, which by necessity has a king in it. Bisclavret is a story about feudal loyalty, about oaths, about hierarchies. Take that away and you no longer have Bisclavret; it is a story that cannot exist without a king for the knight-wolf to be loyal to. Does that mean that as a story it always inherently supports a monarchist ideal, though? Or is its portrayal of kingship (a relationship that is, crucially, reciprocal) sufficiently detached from colonialist systems of monarchy to be distinct from those?

What systems and ideals form the assumptions a story is rested on? What happens once you start to question them? Can you still tell the same stories once you ask where the money comes from, or why the king is owed loyalty? Or does there come a point where you realise there are ideas woven into the very fabric of those narratives that you can't see past?

I don't have answers. I'm just thinking aloud. Thinking about having written a book with a king who isn't the bad guy, and what that means when I approve of neither kings nor hierarchies in general. Thinking about writing the past with the eyes of the present. Thinking about the unexamined assumptions in so many historical novels I've read, and how it feels as a reader not to be able to stop examining them.

(I have also read a number of contemporary romance novels where, after working my way through half an author's backlist, I've been forced to acknowledge that despite everything, the author does in fact think rich people are inherently attractive. Not sure what the solution to that one is, but it's certainly a different, if related, problem.)

[aboutnavi]

I was brushing my teeth, reflecting about life, & my mind went back to AFTG and there is a scene on the first book that it has been stuck on my brain since I read the trilogy again this January and it's about Seth. Now, I know the fandom -in general- barely talk about Seth because Nora decided to kill him off for shock value and when people try to talk about him, it always comes back to 'he was a homophobic, disgusting piece of shit' which yes, valid but also, are we forgetting Aaron? The babyfication of Aaron in this fandom had everyone collectively forgetting he was exactly like Seth (even worse: towards his family!!!). Two wrongs doesn't make one right & I'm in no way justifying Seth's action but if we never talk about characters on AFTG just because they were problematic, we are not talking about any of them, ever (ok maybe some of them, but still).

My point is: the scene. Neil is confused as to why Seth hates Kevin -specifically him- so much, since Seth could get along with most people if he wanted and tried hard enough but he refused to give ground to Kevin & his answer is just so humanly heartbreaking it goes to my list of moments Nora did something right in AFTG. The scene goes like this:

Neil: Why do you hate him?

Seth: Because I'm sick of him getting everything he wants just because he's Kevin Day. Do you know what fame gets you, shitface? Everything. All he has to do is ask for it, and someone will give it to him. Doesn't matter what. Doesn't matter who. The world is dying to give him anything he wants. When he broke his hand, his fans cried for him. They flooded our locker room with letters and flowers. The amazing Kevin Day can't play anymore. Their lives were over. They'd grieve the loss forever. But tell me when's the last time anyone cried over you? Never, right? They're there for Kevin every step of the way, but where were they when we needed them?

Neil, stupidly: So you're jealous.

Seth: His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.

Neil first instinct is to say jealousy because jealousy is something he understands (he felt jealous of Kevin for having a future, for being able to play, for the talent, for the life he never got to live when his mother ran away, etc.) but for me what Seth is trying to portrait is more like the painful awareness that you get when you realize you're also worthy of love and care. Seth is such an unexplored character who had so much potential if Nora hadn't killed him for the sake of showing how Riko could be/was dangerous (and she could have done that in so many different ways!!!) & you can see that on, for example, Nora's post about his life. Seth was always the no-priority person, the kid no one payed attention to, the boy that if killed, not even his mother would come for the funeral. He was every aspect a Fox and he spent his entire life being told he was no one and to be able to say his life is not more important than mine shows so much development; the chance he had put on himself for being open to love, to care, to second and third chances... it was all there. It breaks my heart that he never got the chance to become something. & I do not believe he was an inherently bad person? They are so young in AFTG, all of them. Maybe Seth wasn't bad; maybe he was just twenty-two, you know?

& on the extra content when they tell Allison he died and she goes 'He called me not even an hour ago! He was drunk and rambling but he was happy for the first time in weeks. He was talking about how he finally thought graduating would be okay, about how he wanted me to help him look into grad schools. He wanted to go into social work and help people like he helps us. I know he wanted to die! Everyone knows he wanted to die! Every time he said he was done with life I walked away from him and every time he came chasing after me. This is the first time--he wanted to live.' breaks my heart.

Because, ok, Seth dies. Let's pretend it was a good idea for him to die to set some sort of impact on the story for a second. Except his death goes without much fuss. The shock Nora wanted is felt for maybe three seconds, in one paragraph in the last page of TFC and then we barely talk about Seth on TRK and TKM. Neil can't even understand how impactful was Seth's death - he only cares about how it will affect the game & his guilt is more about how Allison would feel towards him then sadness over losing a teammate - and this insight we get from Allison is from the extra content and not everyone goes on to read those so if Nora wanted something out of his death - pity, shock, sadness, or whatever - she should have put this scene IN THE BOOKS.

[lurafita]

WWE AU

Okay, so there was a time when I was a little obsessed with WWE. And for whatever reason, I just remembered that.

So, can you picture the guys in a setting like this? Doesn't even have to necessarily be wrestling, maybe more mixed martial arts. But there are cameras backstage and fights and lots of "entertainment".

That training fight scene with Alec and Magnus is living rent free in my head and I would just like more of that, you know?

As it always does, my brain went right to "backstory" Mode.

So, Alec was classicly trained, in a studio, with professional trainers and wrestling and other fighting styles have been practiced in his family for generations and are highly regarded. There is a philosophy to it, a feeling of honor.

Alec's parents actually weren’t happy when their son went to the WWE with his talents, but Alec argued that this might be able to help get the younger generation to look at the sport as something more than bashing each other for the entertainment value of the audience. (And, well, also money. Because while there is a familial wealth to the Lightwood name, Alec would like to be a bit more independent from them. And if he gets famous enough, gets his name out there, maybe he could open up an mma studio where he can then teach kids and adults alike the *real* sport.)

Magnus comes from a poor background and an even poorer neighborhood.

If you didn’t know how to defend yourself, you were prey.

When he was old enough to not be turned away by the guards immediately, he started fighting in underground rings for money.

Fighting was never anything more for him than a means to make enough money to eat and stuff.

One night, a wrestling manager looking for new talent happens to be at one of those underground rings and sees Magnus. He gets signed almost right away.

And just months later, Magnus has money and a measure of security and is rising in fame. Without the worries of his past nibbling at his heels, he lives it up.

Make it grand, make it a show, have some fun!

Fighting was never fun before. It was survival.

But now, Magnus *lives*.

And Alec thinks that Magnus is only in it for the show and the fame and the glory. That he has no respect for the art as it is.

And in a way, he is right.

Magnus doesn't respect the Art of fighting the way others in their line of work do. He didn’t learn it because he wanted to, but because he needed to. He will never feel the things that Alec does where fighting is concerned. But that doesn’t mean he doesn't have his own version of respect for it.

Once Alec understands that, he is even more in awe of Magnus than he was.

They both grow to learn and understand each other, without having to conform to the other's view.

Magnus will never be able to see fighting as something inherently good, but he respects that Alec does.

Alec will never see fighting as a mere tool, be he respects that Magnus does.

[nyaskitten]

Imperium is... interesting. Obviously Ninjago is NEVER known for going super in-depth in its commentary on things that are inherently wrong (like Vangelis' slavery) and while it doesn't do like a super deep dive into the inner-workings of Beatrix's fascist empire, it goes far enough to showcase Beatrix's rule as inherently wrong. One of her broadcasts literally says shit about not wanting cultures of previously separate realms to "clash" with those of Imperium.

Another interesting thing to note is I went back to the flashback segments of episode 18, and it seems while Imperium was far better back then, Levo's rule of the kingdom was also... kinda oppresive, he wasn't the pure noble ruler to precede Beatrix that most shows probably would have him be.

It could just be left at "model reusage" but at no point does a single Imperium citizen in these flashbacks wear anything BUT the standard Imperium clothing. However, we also do NOT see any of the job-indication tattoos on any of their faces. That means in-universe the Imperium dress code was likely made long before Beatrix, possibly even before Levo as well.

One other thing in relation to Levo and how he was also possibly a kind of bad person is how he calls Ras an outlander. He says "What could an outlander such as you do about it?" In a VERY clearly malicious way, which even gets Zeatrix to turn her head and kinda side-eye him, kinda raising an eyebrow. For her to react like that means she probably has not seen/witnessed her father talk to ANYONE like that before. It's probably not commonplace in olden Imperium to hold, or at least openly share, such potentially hateful values.

[mikerztmf]

two ppl asked and i shall deliver!! so have a whole essay about jake-centric drake 👍👍

the natural place to start talking about jake's feelings about drew is near the start of their friendship: the freshman scene in ep9. i think this scene (and ep11) is one of the few points where you can really tell what jake thinks of drew. and to sum it up, he thinks pretty highly of him.

it's never super obvious, but when you think about it, drew really meant so much to jake. because drew was really jake's first friend after middle school, the first person to ever accept him so easily. BUT, he couldn't necessarily tell drew that, bc he'd be forced to open up about his past and his passion for music (which is like. the one thing he doesn't want to do)

and imo, jake caring about drew (and henriam ofc but this ain't abt them) and genuinely wanting to be friends is sort of... integral to who he is as a character, in a way. jake changed himself to keep drew, bc he cared about what drew thought of him. whether or not he was right, jake assumed that drew would bully him/drop him if he ever found out that he liked music. jake didn't wanna lose drew, so he kept quiet and lied. it obviously wasn't RIGHT, but still, it's what he does.

once he got closer to the music club, things got way more complicated though, because jake's lies became more than just lies of omission. and eventually, he grew distant towards drew around eps8-10. HOWEVER, i dont think he was really aware that he was doing it, or that he was inherently being an asshole/bad friend on purpose???

i think that's proven in the drake fight. like, jake lied to protect his friendship with drew, but it obviously backfired on him in the long run ("how am i supposed to know anything about your passion when you don't tell me anything anymore!?"). so jake only actually realised his mistakes, especially how badly he treated drew in the past month of canon, when they were thrown in his face by DREW HIMSELF.

and you see jake himself be surprised before quickly cracking, because he realised that drew was right. he has been lying for years. and it's sorta important to think abt the words here. "if you care so much about your friends, jake, why don't you spit out the truth already?!" ...quickly followed by jake spitting out the truth. not only did (and probably still does) jake care about drew, but he also considered them friends! WHICH ALSO EXPLAINS "nice to know we were never really friends." "that's not...! drew..."

jake trying to defend himself shows that even after everything, he still viewed drew as a friend, and wanted drew to hear him out and stay in his life. like, idk, after he came clean, jake still cared about what drew thought, and hoped that he'd want to still be his friend too.

i talked abt this in my last essay, but jake was so broken up after the fight. sure, it looked like he'd moved on, but the way he thought he saw the jomies at the competition + the right now mep part just kinda proved that he hadn't. and idk, i can only imagine that it hurts - losing your first friend, and only having yourself to blame because you lied to his face in an attempt to keep him.

LMAO SO IDK i think jake sort of did value drew as a friend, and that maybe, just maybe, drake is not as unrequited as people think?? imo their issue wasn't really that it was one-sided, but bc they never told eachother how much they valued eachother (for whatever reason)